


stay; it hurts without you here

by Anonymous



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 04:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18887581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “The things I’ve done... it’s not right for me to carry on like none of it’s happened.”“You’ll just run away from it all instead,” soft, accusing.“Sansa —”“It’s certainly up to you as it’s always been.”





	stay; it hurts without you here

“You’re leaving again?” Her tone is so flat that were it not for her thumb pressing into her palm he wouldn’t know it upset her.

 

“I don’t belong here,” he says. “The things I’ve done... it’s not right for me to carry on like none of it’s happened.”

 

“You’ll just run away from it all instead,” soft, accusing.

 

“Sansa —”

 

“It’s certainly up to you as it’s always been.”

 

He sighs. “That’s not fair."

 

“Is any of this?”

 

She means to rule by his side. She still believes in him after everything. If he were a weaker man, that might make him stay. But he can’t take this from her. He can’t ask her to repair his soul along with the walls of Winterfell.

 

“No, none of it is.” He says nothing of what she deserves and how little he has to give right now.

 

When he returns and sheds the layers that keep out the frost, he leaves the grief with them. The fissure in his heart doesn’t close, but he breathes deeper. He sleeps without nightmares. He laughs and doesn’t feel guilty. It’s easy enough to get a horse in Molestown, to ride hard to the gates of Winterfell. It takes convincing the guards and then he is brought to her office. A nod from her leaves them alone.

 

She looks... changed. There is a new line in her brow, another by her lips as if they have been perpetually downturned. Her red hair is pulled back in such a severe style he wonders if the pins make her head ache. He thought he’d found peace in his simple life beyond the wall.

 

Now, he knows. _How can he know peace apart from her?_ Her lips press together, and he doesn’t know where to begin either.

 

“The cook will want to know how long you’ll be staying.”

 

“I haven’t decided.”

 

“Of course,” and what little warmth had been in her voice disappears.

 

He could smile at how familiar this all is. He takes his gloves off, and her eyes track the movement. She swallows. He answers the question she hasn’t asked, “I needed to trust myself again. I couldn’t be here otherwise. I wanted to be worthy of you.”

 

“You already were. Now... I’m not certain of anything.” She looks back down at her scrolls. “Your rooms will have been prepared.”

 

“If there’s no place for me here, I can go.” He doesn’t want to make this harder on her than it had to be. Perhaps, she’d moved on.

 

“Why did you return? Why now?”

 

“I was ready.”

 

“For?”

 

“Whatever comes next,” and there is hope there and yearning; he can see that she wants none of that now.

 

“I thought of what I’d say to you if you ever came home. Of what you’d say to me a thousand times.” She licks her lips. “You’re aren’t sure you’re staying?”

 

“I’m not sure you’ll have me.”

 

“You can’t expect me to have waited here for you. You abandoned me. You left,” she stresses, “when you swore to protect me.”

 

“No one can protect you.” The words keep leaving him without thought. Her chair scrapes against the floor as she stands. “I don’t want to fight,” he says before she can retort. “It was wrong of me to leave you. It was the only thing I could do not to go mad. I have no excuses. I only know that I love you. And I want to be with you, always.”

 

Her lips tremble. “You’ll stay,” she says. “You’ll stay until I know.” She means it to sound like a command, he can tell, and her wet voice only strengthens the effect her words have on him.

 

“I’ll stay.”

**Author's Note:**

> I had major angst over the (probably fake) leaks and slipped into bisansastarks' inbox on tumblr in tears. This helped me process and go to sleep lol


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